"It Gives You Wings" Essay:
Likes:
1. I LOVED that you brought up our nation in the first paragraph instead of bringing up the product right away.
2. "Our nation dances to the beat of a fast drum." -I loved that sentence, set the energetic "dancing" mood of the whole essay
3. loved the point that Red Bull logo/name=power
4. The quotes you took from the Red Bull website were so interesting
5. Including Drank in your essay was such a great idea because it showed how our society does not want this kind of drink they want Red Bull
6. The comparison between the "Door Close" button and Red Bull was a nice touch
Dislikes:
1. The 6th paragraph included too much run-on sentences and comma splices
2. Sometimes having many sources became confusing for the reader
3. Discussing the "subject" of the "object" more would have been more informative
4. Talking about personal experience would add more
5. Some quotes/facts you included seemed a little off topic and "all over the place" for the reader
6. Using more verbs about flying and having wings would create a nice flow and focus within the essay
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